I failed in my initial attempt to assault Justin as he was trying to leave his house for a graduation party. His mother came outside for no reason as I was moving into position and she put the house on red alert. (You all must understand, Justin’s family may well be more involved in this game than the Silent Falcon himself.) I eventually found cover on the roof of the shed in their backyard, and I observed the family’s defensive tactics. They were more than sound, and I feared I would not be able to make my kill on Lerman land.

Fast forward to today – I suppose this morning’s endless rehersals had dulled Justin’s mind. A bunch of us went out to lunch at Ardmore Station Cafe, my target included, and then we had to be back at school for chorus rehersal. Justin asked to ride with me…

Before returning to Shipley, I had to make an exchange at J Crew. Justin came inside, and while he was poking around in the upstairs womens section, Charlie and I shopped below. When I saw Justin coming back downstairs, I moved quickly. I pulled the spoon I borrowed from Ardmore Station Cafe, and the Silent Falcon fell. Charlie was too engrossed in a Broken- In Polo to witness the kill.

Justin played valiantly, notching 7 kills, but it finally caught up to him.

It all went down at Aubrey’s 18th birthday party. Unbeknownst to Carla, I had just the day before killed her previous assassin Patrice. We had sat down for a nice pizza dinner and by pure chance we were sitting directly across from each other. At the suggestion of some of my dear friends, who for their personal saftey I will not name, I grabbed my water pistol and shot her from underneath the table. The people beside her never saw a thing, and indeed it took my pointing out to notify Carla that she had just truley been killed…BEWARE THE SILENT FALCON!

It was a simple kill. I had been invited over to Patrice’s house for a simple friendly get together…but as soon as she steped out the door and turned her back…the SILENT FALCON dug a spoon so far into Patrice’s spine that she cried out in pain…she didn’t even know what hit her…

I was at a graduation party and was spooned when I went inside the house. Damn.

jeff was killed with a spoon to the back while eating a delicous sandwhich from manhattan bagel.

Hannah Set me up. End of Story. I thought i could trust her, apparently not. I am dead….oh well.

I showed up at Evie’s house, and had completely forgotten about the entire Assassins’s game, when i got an anonymous call reminding me I was on a mission. With this new thought in my mind I waited for the perfect opportunity. When she stepped out of the room I stole Justin’s gun from his ducktape holster newly manufactured for this day and shot her ass down as she went up the stairs. I incurred several punches after the fact, but it was well worth it.

After winning the championship the celebration continued at the softball bbq at my house. My accomplice, helped convince her mom to make her brother my target, ‘47’, come to my house for the celebrate. he was hesitant to come at first but when i saw him walking up my driveway, i knew i had to make a plan. I pretended to be busy with organizing everything while he slowly let down his guard. I grabbed a spoon from the table and hide it in my back pocket. I showed some people where the basement was and I waited for him to go downstairs and before he reached the steps I pulled my spoon out and stabbed him in the stomach. goodbye my friend and to all of those assassins still alive make sure you are kind to your siblings or your fate will be like ‘47’’s.

Remote arbiter David Grayson writes: This was a good, clean, kill, but it does not count because ‘47’’s interpretation of the rules is technically correct. When we wrote that rule, we did not intend it to apply to this type of kill, but unfortunately it does.

Just minutes after the brutal assassination of Nicholas Fatula, the Silent Falcon was already on the tail of his next target. Sitting in the dugout of the Shipley School Baseball team was the soon to be elimintated Nicholas Schoenfeld. I counted on his arrogance and self- love to guide me through this dubious kill. I approached Caleb and told him to get Nick to follow me behind the dugout because there was a “reporter from the newspaper” that wanted to speak to him about the game and his playing. Of course Nick jumped at the opportunity, giddy as a school boy. As he followed me away from the game, I swung around and took my pistol out of my trusty holster and blasted two water stains in his green uniform. Two Nick’s in one day….who will fall next to…THE SILENT FALCON?

Nicholas Fatula was simply enjoying the Shipley Baseball championship game at Radnor with some friends, when, unbeknownst to him, the silent falcon made his way beneath the bleachers and positioned himself just below his target. He raised his water gun of doom, Franklin, and shot repeatedly at poor Nick’s buttocks and lower back area. It was an instant kill with no witnesses… BEWARE THE SILENT FALCON!

I was renting a movie (X- men) from TLA for my sister when I had to make a phonecall. As I was talking outside the store Aubs and Hannah approached me from the parking lot. After I finished my phone call we talked for a lil while but then Aubs mysteriously vanished and Hannah came after me with a spoon. Quickly realizing what was going down I sprinted in the opposite direction towards my car. Once I got to my car (followed closely by hannah) I popped the trunk and whipped out my gat. Hannah saw the supersoaker and tried to run and hide. Alas the English Assassin has no mercy and I gatted her right as she tried to take cover in Bertuccis.

Realizing that SSPs are comingup I had to think quickly about how to kill le Pollie. Seeing as I was being a trainer at championship lax game i quickly fashioned a spoon out of tape. Congragulating Mr. Pollie with a tap to the tummy i informed him that i had justkilled him. He told me that that was not a real spoon, i than told him that he threw a glass of water in someones face and “killed” them. I have killed you ryan. The spoon i later used to play in the sandbox, so despite it was a tape spoonit was a legit spoon nonetheless

This kill was due largely to some inside information from one Emily White. While she was an asset she was also traitorous and told Chris Wills of my plans. Luckily this didn’t have any affect on the kill. Using my own sibling as a distraction I took Chris down as he was preparing her order at the Farmer’s Market in Wayne.

target was blasted in the face.

I suppose this story begins with one fastball to the face. It got me, for sure, but I managed to keep my morale high. Friday night rolled around, and some of the baseball guys were coming over to watch Cole Hamels make his long awaited Major League debut.

It became evident a few minutes later that after a couple of days from hell, I was going to get retribution: Jamie strolled casually up my driveway. I was glad to see my bud, so I was frank with him. “You will die tonight”, I told him.

Minutes later, one Drew Tremblay and I made eye contact. It was a tiny bit arousing, but I got my point across… Drew got up, and retrieved a spoon from the kitchen. After making the drop on my lap, I calmly counted to twenty, making sure that I had a strangle- hold on this situation.

I pounced. Reaching for a pillow, I swiftly covered Sam Malcolm’s face (the only senior in the room), nearly suffocating him, while in one fell swoop, I reached into my pocket, agressively drew my spoon, and made the hit.

Hymes, I love you, but my house is a death trap. Never walk in here alone – my kill may have been disappointing, but a good assassin never passes on a golden opportunity.

Adieu.

After a hard fought baseball game, Adam was casually walking back to his car. When suddenly, swiftly and silently, a spoon to his back and all was done.

Indeed I did kill Jake. Tim GM’s allegiance towards his friend prove to be purely sexual…sorry Jake, find some better friends and maybe you won’t get capped. THE NECKTIE BANDIT HAS 4 KILLS. seth gitman RIP aubs dizzee RIP la presidente ralph RIP JAKE L RIP

who’s next on the list?!

A one Miss Jess Whitley found that I had her after an unsuccessful attempt when I made a move to kill and a certain someone (who she coincidentally had an alliance with) claimed to have witnessed the kill…. After a long series of failed attempts throughout the evening- we decided to have an epic duel… We found a non- senior ref and two equal- sized spoons and decided to fight in the living room… Little did she know that that afternoon I had practice my spoon dueling skills with my spooning coach… She made an attempt to jab my upper abdomen and in one swift move I grabbed the spoon out of her hand before she made contact and made a clean stab to her stomach…Then we went and ate cake.

The plan had been all set in advance. Montana works at the Cafe Seville next to the Bryn Mawr film institute. She told me that she was working tonight (in the form of a Spanish fraise: “tengo trabaja” or something like that.) It was almost too simple; she would be vulnerable there. However, there was a catch. Montana had somehow found out that I was her assassin and was ready for such an attack. So in response to this disadvantage I acquired the Fat- Suit from the Shipley school drama department, along with a fake beard, glasses, a leather trench coat and a flannel shirt and designed an amazing disguise to gain access to the Cafe Seville unrecognized. At approximately 9:30 PM, two of my valued agents, Charles T. Warzel and Caleb C. Balderson entered the cafe to distract Montana while I made my entrance. But O Woe! She was not there! According to her co- workers she was ‘getting- milk’, but after some investigative reporting I discovered that she was not working that night at all! I had been fooled by the sweet sounds of Spanish! I exited the cafe in shame and scarfed down a huge meal of Chinese food. (Still dressed as an incredibly…unimaginably fat man with a big old beard). I soon took off my costume and began to plot again to take out my target out with the same disguise plan, at some point next week. However, to my delight, as I was driving Caleb home from my house, by chance, we caught an unbelievable sight! There, sitting outside of starbucks, was MONTANA and Andy along with some other guy. Caleb and I, the trained professionals that we are, quickly parked the car and pursued on foot. We hid behind an office building behind starbucks and called Andy. Caleb’s instructions were these: “Andy, stand up, pretend you know whats going on, walk away from Lancaster into the parking lot behind the office building” Andy, unknowing of the events to come, acquiesced. As soon as he had come a fair distance, I quickly pushed past Andy and sprinted to my target. I jumped from behind a small wall and a “no entry” sign and blasted her to bits. There were no witnesses and the deed was done. Pure fate had given poor Montana into the talons of the SILENT FALCON!

popped him in the stomach

While many thought that Ms Natalie Levin would be a easy kill for me there were three flaws. The first being that my previous target, one named Mr Andy Bree, tipped of my target the very day I killed him. However, today I decided because of this complication i would infultrate a plan. Here comes the second complication, I arrived at Levite’s place of work when and obnoxious junior called me and pleaded for a ride home. I returned to Whole Foods (Devon branch) where i was planning to pick up dinner. Unfortunatley Ms Leviathion saw me in the isle and through the corner of my eye i saw her flee to her register (flaw the third) begging her co- worker to get a spoon. And not to mention i almost got her in trouble with her boss. We both sat there rather tense as i paid my $4.38 as she pointed to the screen to show me my .05 discount i exclaimed “SPOONED!!” and with a blow to the upper adomen Levinite was killed. Sorry Nats, but it was the only way things could go.

Jared was doing a poor job of macking on the french girls.. and i fucking killed him.

An unassuming Liz Ralph stood with her two french exchange students, waiting patiently for a table at Ruby’s Diner, when her assailant greeted her. His green gat would be his weapon of choice. With 1 painless shot to the abdomen, Ralph was down. Her corpse lay on the ground, helpless and somewhat mangled. She had a nice run, but we all know that sooner rather than later Elizabeth’s luck would run out…luckily she could drown her sorrows in a banana milkshake. CALL ME JOHN WILKES BOOTH CAUSE I JUST KILLED EL PRESIDENTE. THE NECKTIE BANDIT LIVES. COME GET ME EVAN!

mad respect to Sammy Malc and Clementine for waiting outside as the murder went down.

This was the most difficult of my kills yet. I had to choose between a friendship or a kill. After .03 seconds of intense internal conflict, I decided I wanted this kill. To make a long, cold story short, I arrived at my target’s house as the sun was just peeping over the horizon and I staked out his car. After a few close calls of almost being spotted by his father, a half- hour later my chance had come. The garage door opened and out stepped Eric, still sleepily rubbing the work of the sandmans from his bleary eyes. It was then I struck! Pooping out from behind his very own car I chased after him with both a gun and spoon, to make sure the kill was complete. Eric made a valiant attempt to run back into the warmth and safety of his house but to no avail. May this sleep be your most peaceful, my friend… please forgive me.

I listened to power 99 to get myself hyped. I rolled in his work pretending to buy gas and busted a cap.

Jen is dead. She grinned as she was leaving 6pack, (job well done ps..) but her smile was met with a hostile. She spotted the glistening spoon and attempted to run. However her speed could not match that of her assasin and she was hit. Tear.

Monday morning Leya Egea- Hinton decided to take a little stroll presumably on her way to starbucks. Little did she know her assassin was treading close behind. It was all to easy, almost as if she wanted to be spooned to death.

Agent Bubbles slipped unnoticed into the City Sports of Suburban Square. Scanning the floor for one Richard Horshaw III, she did not see him and slinked down the stairs into the sneaker department. Again, she could not seem to locate her target. Getting flustered, she began subconciously flipping through the mens speedo’s while thinkin of her next move. A store employee approched and inquired if any assistance was needed. She whispered in hushed tones “where can I find Ricky?”. Cocking a suspicious brow he told her to “try upstairs”. Once again making her way onto the main concourse of the store, she reached into her nondescript black satchel for her weapon of death. And then she spotted him. Delicately folding t- shirts, making sure every crease was in its proper place, he was too absorbed to notice Agent Bubbles sneaking up behind him. With one last glance to make sure a fellow Shipley senior, Shakeeta, was not going to witness the kill, the sly assassin inflicted a quick and painless death with a few deft squirts to the back. I’m sorry, Ricky. You were just doing your job, but then again, I was just doing mine…

I killed Handler on the quad, when no one was looking

After an unsuccessful hunting the previous night, I arrived at the target ’s home at 6:50 in the morning. Silently sitting behind her garage I continued to shift positions in order to prevent the neighbors from witnessing my location. At 7:28 the target’s mother returned to the nest from some other location and quietly wished her daughter a good day at school. After the mother entered the house I changed my position to behind a furry tree bush to get a better vantage point. At precisely 7:31 the target herself emerged from the house and walked up to her car not noticing my presence. A minute later the target shut her passenger door after depositing her bags, and i raced out from my hiding place, heart pounding and adrenaline rushing. The target emitted a high pitched squeal as soon as she set her eyes on me and stood frozen in her tracks. I brought my gun up to take the shot, but as I pulled the trigger my gun acted as a limp noodle and only released a a few trickled drops of water. Luckily I had broughten my spoon along in case of this situation and i raced toward her spoon held high and jabbed her in the torso three times until I was positive my mission had been completed. She seemed to be quite disappointed as she realized her fate, and I scampered off to my car in a different location as she looked stunned and stared at my escape in disbelief.

So, I cunningly deceived Aley (Ali, Ally, Aly, oh it doesn’t matter she’s dead) into providing my transportation from an unfairly assigned detention to the Wheeler household for a night of partying with AV when I struck. I schmoozed my target for the entire 6 minute ride comforting her into believing I had some other random person, only to deliver one perfectly placed strike with Killa, The Biggest Spoon Eva (K,TBSE). She was in complete disbelief that she could be so easily conned in such a way, but that’s how it happened. Thank you Greg Hartshorne for disarming Aley of her spoon only minutes before the attack and leaving her helpless to die by only K,TBSE.

At approximately 1:43 pm on a sunny wednesday, Aubrey Delone flung open the Upper School door and basked as the spring breeze hit her face. Luckily, when I saw her skipping away, I had the presense of mind to ask for a firearm from my trusted pal Nick Fatula. He hit me up with a sweet M- 16- 47- DT handgun with a hatchback trigger. Needless to say, I had ample training with this pistol from my days back in the gulf. As the young blonde dame trodded off campus with her accomplice/sex counselor/friend Missy G, she failed to notice that her assassin was no more than 25 paces behind her. This next sequence of events may be emotionally harmful to children. Reader discretion is strongly advised. As “Aubs” took her first step off campus, she unwittingly took her first step into eternity. As i sprinted up behind her with my cat- like quickness, I screamed to her friend: “Missy! Look Away!” And with the agility of a gymnist, Missy performed a blind half- cartweel half- flip over the bushes. Needless to say, it was a gutsy move. Then, with one shot to the back and one to the lower neck, Miss DeLone screamed her final words with anguish “No!! Don’t Shoot! I thought we had a future together!” Sorry Aubs, I was just doing my job. RIP.

PS. WE WERE OFF CAMPUS!

PPS. I will now be addressed as the necktie bandit.

Alec Faggen was on her way to her normal morning consorsium course at Agnes Irwin, unknowning of the evervigilant eye of the Silent Falcon. Of course, Ms. Faggen had her own plans, namely the massacure of two of her targets, first Lisa, and then Luke in a riveting double- kill. As I watched from the distance, i somehow missed seeing her destroy Lisa and Luke and to my dismay, when she walked into the Agnes Irwin School for class, she was accompanied by Lisa, thereby diminishing my chances for unwitnessed kill. I thought all was lost, however as i left in despair I was approached by the recently- murdered Luke, who offered his aid in the assassination of his own assassin, Alec. I waited until the end of class and to my delight, Luke had come through. There he was, all alone with alec, leaving the building. I sprinted up to her from behind as she reached her car door. Luke was convienently nowhere to be found when the water started flying; and Ms. Faggen was beat at her own game, experiencing only the mommentary glory of her double kill. Beware the Silent Falcon!

I pulled up in the shade of a tree and the gun was passed from the car next to me. As my accomplice pulled away, I knew what I had to do. I then proceeded to Agnes Irwin School to wait for my first target, Lisa. She believed she would be assisting in the murder of Chris Wills, but in reality, she was the one about to see the bright light. She pulled up in company of one Casey Gilbert, a trustworthy friend…or was she? With a little convincing, they parked and got out of the car. The air smelled of suspicion. Casey would not leave her side. The minutes were gaining fast and my next target was fast approaching. I pulled a quick one and asked Casey if that was Chris coming down the street, she fell for it, and in that second her friend was stabbed in the stomach. Weapon: the deadly spoon. TBC…

Yesterday afternoon as I sat in the lounge pondering how to kill my target,I came to the sudden realization that my target and I shared one thing in commmon that would inevitably lead to his downfall, we work together. After completing a quick sketch of how the assination would occur, I called our boss and asked her to call this person and request he come into work for a meeting at around 6:30. After that all I had to do was wait. As I sat by the bback door inside our place of work with water gun and spoon in hand waiting for my victim to arrive, I suddenly realized i had underestimated my target. Sam airing on the side of caution had entered through the front door waterguns in hand already on the defensive. Unfortunatley for Sam, I am quick on my feet and quickly hid my gun and spoon and approached my target unarmed. After gaining his trust Sam began to walk around behind the counter, it was then that the attack occured. With one quick shot to the heart Sam was dead. And although he tried to defend himself he just was not quick enough. Sorry Sam! RIP.

I dedicate this one of many kills to anyone who has suffered from pesky neighbors that they’ve been dying to knock off for years…. a certain casey g. was awakened from her almost slumber to fetch a glass of milk for a neighbor who claimed to have a muffin and no milk. yet when she answered the door she was met not with a muffin but a spoon, and a table spoon at that. casey however passed in peace. i almost feel bad about this one.

Brad Boileau was having a pleasant, innocent walk along the lovely Bryn Mawr campus when he was fatally bludgeoned with a spoon. Never let anyone tell you PE class is not dangerous.

Although Rhian disagrees, she suffered multiple blows to the abdomen and surrounding areas with a silver spoon while walking from the train station to school. Luckily, Steven Piltch took care of this dilema before hand, and enlisted the help of a junior to be a witness to the murder. Alyssa Mason will gladly testify that Rhian Alice Roberts was hit in the stomach more than once, and is indeed dead as a doornail. Shakeeta also says, “from the screaching that i heard, Rhian is definetly a dead woman walking, SORRY RHIAN!” There was no chase involved, and her assailant stood within 2 feet of her, hitting her repeatedly, therefor there is no reason to beleive the claims that the spoon magically only touched her arm. dream on rhian.

While getting coffee at the local a- plus one named Andy Bree trusingly accepted a embrace from a dear ad trusting friend, me. Oh Andy darling, what a fool, i indeed spooned him in teh abdomen… Andy left said store muttering obsenities under his breath and procceded to be bitter for the remainder of the day.

The slumbering Anne- Marie was awoken by a rapping at her door. “Do enter!” she shouted, and invited her assailant in. Immediately she caught sight of the gigantic wooden laddle… but it was just too late. In a feeble attempt to save herself, she flung the covers over her lanky body batman- style. 10 Blows to the behind later, Annem- marie had met her maker. She was a great one, that Anne- Marie.

The OX killed Liz Henry on a humid Saturday night at the entryway of the one and only Seth Gitman’s house. Liz was accomplanied by a lanky Agnes Irwin girl. They laughed while entering, completely unaware of what was to come. The anonymous friend was deathly afraid of the murderer and didn’t dare try to defend Liz. The OX got into a good strong stance and jabbed Liz in the stomache multiple times, the ox grinned maliciously while the victim slowly fell to the ground. Seth’s parent’s witnessed the crime but were too terrified(confused) to react. Watch out the OX is still hunting…

David Wadden steps out into an uncommonly warm April night, to take a call from a dear friend, Justin Lerman. I sat in a car across the parking lot from Santa Fe Burrito where Dave had been eating a most delicious cuisine. He moved down the corridor where I promptly intercepted him, and delivered two lethal shots to his abdomen. “Oh no!” – his final words. You were… and still are… a good man Dave; we will all miss your infectious laugh. Who will Dr. Perrywinkle fix next?

P.S. oh my god i cant concentrate

As the sun went down, a young, naive boy with big hair pulled up to his narberth estate expecting a night of peace and quiet with his dad. Then, without forewarning, he was shot gruesomely in the chest and upper arm (dorsimus). From there, he claimed to “not be involved” in such child’s play, but in fact, Seth Gitman was involved and ashamed to be killed. As i left, i told the distraught young boy that i believed him, but my tommy gun didnt. More kills to come, hide your children.

An unware Ali stumbled out to her seemingly friendly suiters car and her assassin jumped out of the car as he/she triped a self- destruct mecanism. Ali died in the blast. Surprisingly, Chris was barely jared by the incident and has goten on with life by dating Ms. Kobowsky.

Anthony Delconte pulled into Justin’s house for band practice, all the while not knowing that his killer was behind justin’s mom’s car in triple threat position. As he emerged from his car, she took him out with her water rifle (1 lethal squirt to the chest). As he went down, he made a feeble attempt to shoot back..which failed. R.I.P. Anthony.

After a failed attempt earlier on in the night, and after my identity of secret assasin was made public I remained vigil. As ‘casanova’ was leaving the basement door at the Gowen- MacDonald residence her guard was let down momentarily as she hung back to wish me a good night and boast that, now, she was surely going to win. Unfortunately, and much to her dismay I had kept a spoon with me and all others in the vicinity were looking towards there door and onwards into the night. ‘casanova’ could not regain the attention of the potential spectators and was killed while pathetically screaming for help.

As i was facing the door ready to walk out, ‘casanova’ grabbed me and turned me around to face ‘YeeeBoyeeee’ who was ready to kill her. I did see it…sorry ‘YeeeBoyeeee’

An unsuspecting Joseph Kenney was striding his way up to the Shusman household for a night of fun. As he briskly entered the garrage humming his favorite bad ass tune, his spirits were crushed by a spoon shot to the abdoman. He died. boo hoo…