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'swipper' won the game!
'swipper' won the game by being the first person to make two kills. He wins $10. Congratulations!
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'Mr. Pink' attempted to kill 'The Naked Man'.
i knocked on matt’s door, told him he had a package waiting downstairs at the snyder front desk. he cautiously exited his room and i shot him.
I sat alone in my room, the lights dim. There’s a knock on the door. I yell “who is it”.
Another knock. I yell again. My mind’s racing with ideas of spoons and glory. I open the door (I’m safe here, i know that).
“You Matt?” He asks. “Yeah” I answer nervously. I know what comes next. “There’s a package for you down in Snyder. Perishable.”
I’m smooth – “Oh, alright. Let me put my socks on.” (No really – I was barefoot this whole time. Goes with being the “naked man” ;- ) )
I empty my pockets, less their contents distract me. I put a metal spoon in each. I peer through the peephole – nothing. Nervously, i open the door. Nothing. I look right. I look left. Nothing. I step out – and notice the hem of his jacket sticking around the corner. He jumps out, girly, purple water gun in hand. My manly spoon is out in an instant. Matrix- like, i jump backwards, and see water fly by my eyes. That was close – I could have died.
We were in a deadlock now – a standstill. I had no ranged weapons, he couldn’t cross the threshold into my domain.
We squared off. We chit- chatted. He almost convinced several passerbys to pull me out, but their resolves faded upon witnessing my spoon, and relizing that I was ready for this – I would stab anyone who tried.
He calls for backup. I call for backup. His says no – mine dosn’t answer. I send of a quick IM.
Ten minutes go by. He dissipears. I don’t believe it – it’s too good to be true. I return to the computer, and finish arrangements for increased security.
He re- appears, bladder empty.
The standoff continues – but then the knight in shining armor arrives.
My friend, bodyguard, and savior takes five bullets for me, but succesfully guards my person from attack as I make my move – The spoon lands home.
It’s a kill. My adreniline soars. He vows to reject the confimation. I vow to do the same to his mother.
... the game continues.
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'Mr. Pink' killed 'swipper'
BOOOOOM HEADSHOT!!!!! (by headshot i mean torso shot, i just like cs a lot)
I was on the phone talking to my family as they wished me a happy birthday when someone burst into my room and stole my present and ran out the door and down the hall!! How rude! As I wondered what kind of grinch would interupt my birthday celebration i walked out into the hall and was shot. Disgrace on the name of assassins… interupting a celebration. Tisk tisk…
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'swipper' killed 'Maybell Cox'
As she walked unsuspectingly down the hall, I whipped around the corner and remarked “Say hello to my little friend!” as I pumped dart after dart of the large nerf gun!
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Slaughter of the Innocents
The following players were removed from the game for failing to make any kills: 'BC Lara', 'LUEshi', 'Nitewalker', 'Rubberbandit', 'knuckles', 'dissolution', 'idantiva', 'Todd McClane', 'Reaper'
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'Mr. Pink' killed 'taters'
I had spent many weeks trying to learn where Matt lived and what made him tick. I facebooked him, and went to his room to see if I could find him. He wasn’t there so I put the kill off for a couple weeks. After studying his face from facebook, I knew I would be able to recognize him if I ever saw him in the dining hall… And then came my lucky break. ‘Twas a cool, windy November Wednesday and I was headed to Weston for some lunch. Upon entering the cafeteria I saw out of the corner of my eye a person that somewhat resembled my target. I saw him directly and knew it was him. I grabbed a spoon and told my buddy I’d be back in a second. I asked him “Is your name Matt?”... and the rest was history.
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'Dr. Zoidberg' killed 'masterchief'
After a week or so, I finally killed masterchief. He knew I was coming for him so we had an epic battle before our history class this morning. He can explain it better so I’ll let him do it.
This is the tale of the kill; it is a story of deceit, alliances and the battle of the century. Last week as I was studying for my midterm for history, my friend came over to study with me. He sat down and i asked him who his target was for the assassins game. He hesitated…I turned to my computer and continued typing, I had a midterm tomorrow. I then felt a tapping on my left arm; i looked and he was holding a spoon in his hand. I was surprised; he was in the other game and couldn’t possiblty be my killer. He took out his card showed me and i immediately stabbed him in the chest with my spoon. He looked puzzled and stated that he killed me already, but in reality he hit me on the arm. As a result of this misunderstanding and stuff(and me being a nice friend) we made an alliance such that this world has never seen before. I was to kill a person every week, and he would not kill me. This worked at first, i killed barney fife. Everything looked great. But then I got my next assignment and I just got lazy. A week passed and it came to today at 7:50 in the morning. I knew today was the day. I took my duel nerfs and put them in my front pocket of my sweater and went downstairs. He was standing on the other side of the street (we have the same class on thursday) and i tightened my grip on my weapons. He had some weapon in his hand, and i warned him to keep his distance. His other hand shot out of his pocket and revealed a nerf gun. He shot and I skillfully dodged this, but in doing so, I made it so I couldn’t get my guns out. He then took out his spoon and half a millisecond before I shot him with both my guns he stabbed me in the right shoulder. I will have my revenge on u wind guy and you will feel my full wrath.
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'swipper' killed 'Malfoy'
“Is there a kurt in here?” was the question asked to the brightly lite room as the target watched tv. “Yeah, i’m kurt, why?” this was exactly the response that was hoped for… “the office has a package down stairs that they’ve had for a long time for you, just letting you know” After the false message was delivered the trap was set; laying in ambush the prey fell straight into the trap walking down a few min later and asking the office for his package brought a confused look from the desk clerk and a resounding echo of a gun blast as the nerf dark hit him in the chest… the body immediatly went into violent spasms as blood srayed everywhere… I pulled out a kandkerchief and wipped the splattered blood from the still smoking barrel, then cooly walked over the body and out the door.
Again, the television, it entrances me and I loose touch with reality… Not Gilmore Girls this time, but CSI, how apropriate, Crime Scene, well, there really is no investigation, but there was a crime scene. The Mailboxes…
So I was chillin like ice- cream- fillin and this guy walks by my room. He knocks and says, “hey Kevin, or uhh Kurt, you have a package downstairs and its been there for a while, so if you could pick it up, that would be great.”
This time, I wasn’t soo off my gaurd. I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed twards the door. But then something flashed across my idle mind. SPOON! I turned around and grabbed one of the three that have been occupying my pencil cup for the past week. I peaked my head outside my room incase my assailant was simply waiting there. When silence reached my ears, my heart slowed and my mind was put at ease. MY friend and I went downstairs to retreive this fabled ‘package.’ I sauntered on up to the mail counter and inquired as to the whereabouts of my mail. The lady at the counter was obvously confused; not even aware that a guy was working tonight, I became slightly suspicous, but only slightly. As I approached my mailbox, a head peaked around the corner. I dismissed it, honostly, my stomach was driving me, not my mind. With thoughts of candy and cake I looked into the small box of hopes labeled ‘491’ and as I turned to go back to the counter, I was pierced by a foam shaft of misery…
Damn Nurf guns…
HAppy Huntings!
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'The Naked Man' killed 'luckyshot'
He was studying in a lounge – my friend told me where he is. Casually i walked in, we exchanged greetings “hey” “hey”. He seemed intent on his studys – he didn’t even stop to wonder what i was doing there.
“You’re Brian, right?” “yeah”
A spoon from my pocket quickly lodges itself into the back of his shoulder. “You’re dead.”
i saw my disappointing score on my music midterm… so i was destined to study hard and write my paper early… and so my mind was focused on one thing. I couldn’t study in my room because my roommate was blasting kelly clarkson… so i study in the lounge… and to my surprise as i was studying i see a man who i’ve never seen walk in the lounge. to my surprise he knows my name… and then i quickly realized his intent… but it was too late… he drew his spoon. i couldn’t draw my weapon… (which woulda been the closest thing to me… my laptop…) that man took me out.
on a side note… the lounge was a room for 3 people before. and the one that used to live there, mike, was the one who gave me away…. that bitch
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'masterchief' killed 'Barney Fife'
I was delighted when I found out that my first victim was my good friend mark. He lives a floor below me and I knew that this kill was going to be easy. I didn’t have to do any research at all; I knew where he lived, his class schedule and I saw him three to four times a day. However, I waited. I had so many opportunities to kill him, but I waited, until tonight that is. I had just come back to the dorm and talked with him in the hallway. He was in his robe and told me someone from his other game tried to kill him and he told me he had no spoon; he was going in the shower and was on edge. I ran to my room, grabbed my spoon and waited in an alcove until he came out of the restroom. I then ran at him as he was walking back to his room and stabbed him in the back.
Betrayed by one of my best friends. And that’s not the half of it. I’ve known this kid since as long as I can remember. I even asked him at one point: “If I were your target, would you have killed me by now?” He looked me straight in the eye and said, “Of course.” I would have expected more from an Eagle Scout. And then he waited. Oh, he waited. He wasn’t satisfied with just a nice, clean, honest kill. No… he wanted to convince me first that I was safe. He had countless opportunities over the course of the game. Somehow, the fact that he waited makes the kill even worse. Whenever I think about it I become bitter and enraged. Here’s how it went down:
At about 10 pm the same night, I avoid a kill from someone in my dorm by not letting him into my room. I assumed that he was in the Other Chaimpaign Dorms game; what are the chances that a campuswide game would assign him a target in the same dorm? NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING. It was the last assumption I will ever make. I nervously walked to the shower in my robe, without a weapon. Before I went in, I told my friend and to- be killer that I didn’t have a weapon. Then I went into the shower.
As I was lathering my lean, muscular body, I got to thinking. Why hadn’t my friend told me who his target was yet? Perhaps he is hunting me… But I figured that a) he would have killed me already, or b) he would have told one of our mutual friends and that person would have told me. So my mind was at rest. I walked cautiously out of the bathroom with wet flip- flops and a robe on, carrying a towel and stuff. As soon as I opened the door, I saw four or five kids from my floor standing there with these stupid grins on their faces. I knew something was up. As I walked back to my room, my killer leapt out from hiding, ran me down, and stabbed me in the back. Mind you, I had about four seconds to react, because I saw him coming. But I was so sure it wasn’t him that even as he was running at me with a spoon, I couldn’t believe it. So I just turned back around and kept walking. Had I known it was him, I would have grabbed the spoon hand, body- slammed him into the wall twice, judo- flip him over onto his back, stand on his neck and break his arm, then scoop his eyes out with the spoon and replace them with cadbury eggs.
Afterwords I found out that he had turned all my best friends against me from the beginning. Everyone had known about it but me, right from the beginning, even my roommate. It was like some sort of twisted, demented Truman Show without a happy ending. It was like the mafia – if someone does it, it will be your best friend. I was the victim of the cheapest, most underhanded, backstabbing, double- crossing, dishonest betrayal in the history of the Assassins Guild. To my killer: I hope you choke on the guilt from your Judas kiss, traitor. To everyone who was in on it for days on end without telling me: Treachery is still punishable by death in some countries, folks. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Well, this taught me a valuable life lesson. But I’m not going to tell you what it is, because this experience has made me very antisocial, paranoid, closemouthed, irritable, and bitter. So you’ll just have to find out yourselves.
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'Maybell Cox' killed 'Jimbo Jones'
He was lying on the cold rug floor listening to his music and attempting to fill his mind with all that engienering knowledge when i opened the door and squirt, i shot him.
Well I was definitely not lying down for this one, I took it sitting down thank you very much. She just walked in, calmly said “hi Dan,” and proceeded to put two into my chest. In hindsight she definitely looked like she had wanted something, but at the moment that was not on my mind. My thoughts were something along the lines of “Oh what are you doing here? Huh, what? Gahhhhh…” The worst part of all was that I knew her… I knew her, how was I supposed to deal with that? So let that be a lesson to you, don’t trust anyone.
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We have decided to not count Mr. Freund’s attempt to kill his target, Mr. Finnicun. It’s unclear whether Mr. Freund hit the victim with his water gun or not, but we think that it is not in good spirit to physically pin one’s assassin down.