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The Game is Over
'Eek!stravaganza' has won the game, by having the most kills of 5, and by remaining alive the longest. He has won 2 $15 gift certificates to Dos Reales. Thank you to all who played.
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'Eek!stravaganza' killed 'Gonsai Kitachi'
I stained his stainless steel weapon with blood from the wound it inflicted in my hip today. I only regret that I was killed by a man roller skating in the snow.
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'Eek!stravaganza' killed '3.14159265358979323, or thereabouts'
I was lurking around my target’s room when I saw him leave to go to the bathroom. I had never seen him before and needed confirmation. I waited for him to go back to his room and when he was stopped, I said Bob, and proceeded to stab him in the side, delivering the crushing blow.
On my way into my room, I heard my name and felt a poke in the back. The feel of a cold metal spoon as it terminated my time in this game. Though you may have stopped my murderous spree, you cannot stop pi. It will go on.
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'3.14159265358979323, or thereabouts' killed 'Game Over Man'
3.14159265358979323… such a long number, such simple deaths. My target was there, he lives no more.
pi may be greater than e, but Mr. 2.71828183 was greater than 3.14159265358979323, or thereabouts, will ever be. Mark my words, pi- man: you may have transcended our lowly roots, but sooner or later you’ll come full circle. When your assassin gets ‘round to it, your death will be very real.
For me, though, it’s game over, man.
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Athena (Anna Dombrowski) killed 'Sunzi', 'Jack Ruby', 'Someone 2' and 'Lonestar'
In case you didn’t know, Athena is the goddess of strategy in war, owls, wisdom, and assassins. She also does not like slackers. She warned all the assassins that if they made no kills, their impending doom was near. However, they paid no attention to her, much like Achilleus paid no attention to his mother when she told him that he would die if he fought in the Trojan war. As I am sure you know, Achilleus went off to fight in the Trojan war and got himself killed! Foolish mortal!
This is why, at 11:59 pm, Athena took her giant spoon, and delivered her wrath upon those foolish mortals. Those individuals are
'Sunzi', 'Jack Ruby', 'Someone 2', and 'Lonestar'.
Now the game is down to the last 4 assassins, who have proven themselves worthy. Good luck to you, for you deserve it!
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'Game Over Man' killed 'Lara'
A random encounter! I didn’t have a spoon! But luckily for me, we were in Za’s. Good thing they had spoons.
I was minding my own business at Za’s when someone asked me if my name was Allison Brett. As soon as I said, “Yes”, I realized that I was about to be killed. Oh well…
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'Gonsai Kitachi' killed 'hooger-brugge'
After a botched attempt at my target’s life last week, I knew he would be on high alert in the same building in which I attacked him previously, Engineering Hall. Nevertheless, I waited for him to come to class. And waited, and waited. What happened to him? I got impatient and left my post to search for other possible entry points. When I had just gotten outside, I spotted the slippery Paul casually walking in late to EH. I hustled to get behind him, then stabbed him in his back quickly and silently with my spoon. He died a warrior’s death, with his own spoon in his hand.
I heard footsteps. I thought, “I’ll get my spoon.” Too late. Now, I’m dead. “dhaid”
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'3.14159265358979323, or thereabouts' killed 'William Thomson'
Death cannot be escaped, merely evaded. To think that one can escape is purely irrational. My target had evaded me many a time. This was not, however, one of those times.
So this time he got it right. A quick jab in the right lumbar; a smirk on his face. His spoon quickly brought me to −459.67°F, never to have enthalpy again.
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'3.14159265358979323, or thereabouts' tried to kill 'William Thomson', but failed!
Finally, irrationality has proven a valid course. Running into my target while eating dinner was the work of fate itself. Actually, fate had worked this way three times before, but my target was elusive (and I was busy). As he left dinner this time I was prepared and he felt the icy hand of death (with it\’s accompanying plastic spoon, of course) grip his shoulder. Fear ye mortals and despair, for irrational numbers feel no remorse.
My assassin attempted to kill me and claimed he did but he hit me in the upper arm. I walked away and he didn\’t strike again.
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'hooger-brugge' killed 'Cthulhu Calling'
He was a skilled assasin, who would have easily taken my life in a duel. I won the only way I could: I stabbed him in the back. I struck him between the 11th and 12th vertebrae. “Spooned!” I declared. His last words: “I only have a fork!”
Hehehehe. Here’s the explanation for my dying words: first, my assassin stabbed me fair and square in the back. Then he wanted to make sure I was dead, and a fierce duel ensued. I defended myself for about 10 seconds before realizing that my spoon was still in my pocket, and I was attempting to fight using the fork from my food tray – - hence, my final outcry. The fork would have been a rather ineffective weapon, but I was already dead, so the matter was moot.
I suppose that Cthulhu would never go “hehehehe”. anyhow… back in character… ahem I, Cthulhu, have lost this battle. I have turned tentacle and fled to the ancient, sunken city of R’yleh, where I will lie in wait for the next foolhardy Assassins organizer to wake me from slumber. Until then, I leave you with the following verse from H.P. Lovecraft himself:
That is not dead which can eternal lie, And with strange æons, even death may die
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'Artemisia' committed suicide.
Assassins may be frightening but I have now met any even more worthy opponent- – college! After struggling for a few weeks under the work load of a art and design freshman (shush, all you engineers, we’ll see how you feel after 5 hours straight of sanding the same piece of wood), I finally fell and impaled myself on my own spoon. Alas! Don’t think less of me- – I’m taking the same route as my namesake- – not running from the battle but as an act of self- preservation. Homework is more fatal than the Greeks!
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'Gonsai Kitachi' attempted to kill 'hooger-brugge'
This kill was invalid because bathrooms are off- limits for killing.
After wrapping up some last- minute research on my target, I travelled to intercept him on his way to his Biophotonics course. As I casually strolled down the hall, I saw him duck into the men’s restroom. I followed him in, and when I could see both his hands being washed, I lunged at him with my trusty spoon. It deflected off his backpack, so I deftly struck again. This time, I hit flesh. He turned to gaze at his assassin with a mix of bewilderment and fury in his eyes, so I plunged my cold spoon into his belly, finishing him once and for all.
I knew I was dead after the third spoon- jab. What I didn’t know was that I was alive. For in the sanctuary of a public restroom, a spoon is not deadly. Today, I live, knowing I will die another day.
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'Eek!stravaganza' killed 'Ombre'
I knew when she was going to be leaving one of her classes and it didn’t seem like she had another class to go to so I figured she would head to her dorm. I knew what she looked like but had never seen her before so instead of giving my identity away and asking the person I thought was Anne Rivas, I followed her to see if she was going to ISR. I split paths as she took Oregon to Gregory St then I said her name to confirm her identity right and as she turned I spilled her blood all over the ISR lobby with my trusty spoon.
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'William Thomson' killed 'Ogeltine'
This target was all too easy. I IMd her to ask her about her Facebook picture album, and then at around 10:45 she told me she had to goto class. This was my signal to run from my office at Glasgow University and ambush her outside her dorm building. A spoon in the side leads to the absolute coldness of death.
That brings my kills to a total of 273.15.
Preoccupied with academics I knew I had but a short time to live; however, I never truly reliazed that even my own friends could be back- stabbing murderers. Not suspecting the real reason behind the IM conversation, I left my dorm with my iPod blaring music in my ears. Then I heard the sound of running feet (which I knew could not be a good sign), yet I had no fear. The kill was quick and efficient and now allows me to return to the lonely existence of an academic.
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'Harry Callahan' committed suicide
Jeffrey Pompe has committed suicide.
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'Eek!stravaganza' killed 'Anonymous'
I knew a class that my target must be in as well as her place of residence and waited at a convenient location in between, hidden by a book. When I saw her exit her class and head to her home I got ready to move. She passed me up, ingnorant to her imminent fate, and I got up, followed her, and stabbed her in the side before she even knew what hit her.
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'Cthulhu Calling' killed 'John Locke'
“Just the facts, ma’am”
FACT #1: ‘John Locke’ attends Quantum Physics; unlike my previous target, he is known not to skip classes. FACT #2: He uses a bike to travel on campus. FACT #3: There is only one convenient bike trail leaving Loomis Lab. FACT #4: There is a mammoth tree about 6 feet away from the bike trail, providing perfect cover from the trail. Any bicyclist will be hurtling towards the tree much too quickly to react. FACT #5: ‘John Locke’ is dead.
John was a worthy adversary; he had his syringe o’ doom out and ready even while on his bike. No paranoia, however, is enough to shield against the deep forces beneath this Earth.
I, too, have some facts to bring to the table:
FACT #1: I knew that my assassin was a ruthless one since I had killed him in the Spring 2005 game, a feat which required careful planning despite our being in the same CHP class. FACT #2: I knew that he was playing this semester, and that he had killed three people thus far. I also knew that he knew that I was in Quantum Mechanics, since I had seen him hunt ‘paloma’ outside of it several times. In fact, I had even shot him at one point, because I believed him to be my assassin (before he actually was mine). FACT #3: I knew his alias and his class schedule (even though he had removed it from Facebook weeks ago). I was hoping that I would eventually get to use it on him. He knew that I knew this, as I had spoken to him over AIM about this fact a mere 16 hours before. FACT #4: With the exception of my CHP class, I figured that the only other of my classes known by a fellow assassin was my QM class, known by this particular individual. Hence, I figured that I only needed to be careful around Loomis. FACT #5: I was careless, and once I got outside and on my bicycle, I figured that I was invincible. I even joked around by aiming my syringe o’ doom at David Grayson as I sped past him. About five seconds later, though my gun was still aimed in that direction as I went past the large tree, I failed to notice the person standing behind it. In fact, I didn’t even realize that there was someone there until I felt water droplets hit me from the side. Unfortunately, it was too late.
FACT #6 (a.k.a the Useful FACT): I have a month- old version of everyone in the CHP group’s Facebook profile. If their schedule and/or picture isn’t posted now, there’s a good chance that it was posted then. You’d be surprised at what you can get simply by asking. This especially applies to you if you are Cthulhu Calling’s assassin.
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'Cthulhu Calling' killed 'Fafhrd'
Because my target lives on the same floor as I do, I figured that it was only a matter of time before we would meet. My target, however, apparently wanted even less of a wait. As my friends and I were at dinner discussing that perennial topic of conversation – - namely, CHP Assassins – - someone turned around and introduced himself as a member of the game. We exchanged names, and then I killed him.
What they say about the Internet is apparently also true in real life. Don\’t introduce yourself to strangers, for they may be (a) stalkers, (b) depraved madmen, (c) mythical denizens of other worlds, or (d) all of the above.
I, unfortunately, was too beset by the tasks fondly referred to as “too f*ing much homework” to give a damn about my personal safety. It was a foregone conclusion… I deliberately set out today unarmed, defenseless, hoping to die by some lucky twist of fate. I just needed out.
While sitting around, consuming victuals with comrades, between the sixth and seventh hours of the post meridian day, I happened to overhear a party of foolhardy persons sitting behind me… they openly traded banter about who and how they killed. As a fellow assassin, I was on the verge of recommending that they limit such conversations in public, or use a cant to throw off others. Then I heard “CHP”- – and I knew. One thing lead to another, and I ended up getting stabbed in the shoulder. Twice. I, being thankful on my soon- to- be- death, allowed my assassin another chance at my torso. It was a relief to be free.
Such an easy kill should shame a true assassin…
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'Gonsai Kitachi' killed 'Marco Esquandolas'
As my victim was elimated coming from his Intro to Poetry class, I will record the events in a variety of cold- blooded poems. First, let me set the scene. I have been stalking at the Honors House for a while, going over the plan in my head. As his class lets out, I reflect on the lighter side of this game we call “life.” ahem
My thoughts turn to a jovial tune A boat at sea, kittens, balloons Because his life will reach high noon When he is struck down by my spoon
I say to him “Stan” “Yeah?” he speaks before he dies Unremarkable
My target was the fox known as Stan Who could not have turned and ran Ne’er had a chance In this circumstance He returns to where he began
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'Game Over Man' killed 'Cryogenic'
For most intents and purposes, Andrew McCormick does not exist. But a single small blurry photograph from years ago contributed to his demise. That, and a schedule he had neglected to remove from Facebook.
To be honest, I almost botched the job. A couple inches further out, and I would have stabbed his “arm”, which does not qualify as part of one’s “torso”. But as things were, I inflicted a spoon wound squarely on his shoulder. And while he had the strength to run, denying me a coup de grace, I am confident my patience is longer than his blood supply.
Game over, man.
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'Cthulhu Calling' killed 'paloma'
As I am not of this earth, your species’ physics classes would be of no use to me. But if I happened to ever be enrolled in a physics class with a number higher than 400, I would certainly not skip it. At any rate, after fruitlessly waiting outside three of my target’s classes, I found out that she was involed in the upcoming production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Although my creator probably would have been a fan of Rocky Horror had he been alive to see it, my amoral nature ensured that I would not miss out on the opportunity when I was told the show’s rehearsal time. From there, it was just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right… and then the kill.
My assassin seemed to foolishly believe that I go to my classes. I managed to foil him for a few days with my poor attendance, since 9 am quantum mechanics classes are for morning people and masochists. However, a member of my cast for Rocky Horror Picture Show betrayed me and told the assassin where and when rehearsal was held. I never suspected that one of my sweet transvestites could be so disloyal… when I find out who it was, they will be forced to wear 7 inch heels for the show. Bwahahaha.
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'paloma' killed 'Cinderella'
I originally had a devious plan to assasinate my target at her place of employment. However, I noticed that we were both attending a certain CHP event. I saw someone I suspected to be her talking to some friends of mine, went up and introduced myself, and she fell into my trap, revealing herself to be my target. I quickly drew my nerf gun and fired. We then had a lovely time socializing at said CHP event. She should be pleased, the sky was blue, there were no clouds, one might say it was a good day to die…
It was a lovely day to die. The sky was blue, the air was crisp, and and I was surrounded by good friends. And if you are wondering what Heaven is like, it is a bit like Curtis Orchards; leisurely walks in the pumpkin patch, warm apple doughnuts, and crossword puzzles. My death was peaceful, you will not see my ghost haunting the Honors House. Farewell!
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'Artemisia' killed 'Boric'
Poor Boric! He knew what fate had in store for him today. The assassination went fairly smoothly; I waited outside his class, and spotted him as he exited. He gave me a quick, suspicious glance so I knew I had to work quickly. Unforunately, I was pushed back in a group of students. I followed him down two flights of stairs. He glanced back and started to speed up- – but alas, it was too late. I only hope he found my plastic spoon merciful. My thanks to the two friends he was walking with; if they hadn’t of been there, he probably would have run. But, as my contemporary said, “The god of War hates those who hesitate!”
Alas, I am slain! I had predicted my death to all my friends at lunch a mere hour before. My honors class was the obvious place to make the attempt. When I saw a strange person sitting outside my class I knew I had to make a break for it. I slipped down the stairs and out of sight, thinking myself safe, but my assailant pursued me relentlessly. When I glanced again, I was death was almost upon me. In retrospect, I should have turned around and stood my ground, spoon in hand, and died like a man in honorable battle. Instead I tried to slip out the door and ended my life in disgrace. Digression, it seems, is not always the better part of valor.
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'John Locke' killed 'J4'
Having found the time of my target’s CHP class, I waited for him inside the Honors House, and gazed out through the little window at the bottom of the stairs. When I noticed him coming up the pathway, I sprang forth from the front door, and before he had time to get into the Honors House Safe Zone or even react, he was dead.
I came from my Math test in a good mood, enjoying the weather and looking forward to my CHP class. As I neared Hoho, I had an odd feeling when a fellow classmate walked by with a funny smile, but before I realized the significance of this, my assailant was upon me. In total suprise, and unable to react, I was felled by my assassins shots.
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'Cthulhu Calling' killed 'mdawg'
Though I slumber in R’lyeh, I have contacts in the world of the living. I lurked in wait for my target as he was leaving class and shot him with a squirt gun; he, too, now rests in the underworld.
Dare not to awaken the Great Old Ones.
Today I awoke… Lazily, slowly… not aware that it would be my last morning. I went to classes as usual… The air was hot and thick, covered in death. I climbed the last three flights of stairs to the end of my days. Engineering 100. I slouched down in the class, hoping to make it home before I melted. But I was hunted… tracked down like an animal… my assasin combed through three engineering 100 classes before he stumbled upon mine. As I left the room, I froze. Pain like ice… who knew death was so refreshing. I heard my name… and saw the cold face of my stoic assassin… hand held on squirt gun. A warning from the dead… none are safe…
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'Eek!stravaganza' killed 'Someone'
I had already found a picture of my target and knew a time when I could find her. However, I was eating lunch when I saw her lurking around the cafeteria. I waited and watched from afar, waiting until she got up to confirm her identity and kill her when I saw a mutual friend come talk to her. This confirmed her identity so I walked up and used her friend as a diversion and then struck her in the side while she ate her last meal.
BAH (you may interpret that as a very reluctant sort of confirmation. i have a very, very long explanation as to why actually i wasn’t going to triumph as all time winner. but alas, i don’t have time to get into it. i will rest in Peace…..For NOW mua hahahahahaha)
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'William Thomson' killed 'Lord Voldemort'
After determining my target’s courses off of Facebook. I reverse engineered his schedule. I then camped outside his class this morning. I knew which path he would take to enter the building, so I sat outside feigning to work on a homework problem. When I saw him walk by I came up behind him and stabbed him with the spoon in the side. Then as he turned around I stabbed him again in the chest just to make sure he knew he was dead. He was very polite about dying and wished me well.
So there I was off to observe yet another Electromagnetism lecture (it’s really quite amazing the ridiculous things Muggles use to get by without using magic) entering Loomis Laboratory of Physics with a concealed spoon on me, prepared for the strike of my assassin. As I opened the door to the building, I figured it would only be a few more seconds before I was inside the protective sanctuary of a Professor’s classroom, but my assassin took advantage of my momentary lack of attention to my unprotected rear as I passed through the door, only meters from true security to stab me right in the back with a spoon! Of course, not even I, the Dark Lord, can repair damage dealt by spoons. They’re far too magical, so, with a great deal of shock, I collapsed, dead, and was forced to observe the lecture from the spiritual beyond.
Beware, fellow assassins, today was my day to die, but you could be tomorrow. Those who live by the spoon, shall die by the spoon. My assassin is a ruthless killer… and is now targeting one of you…
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The game begins!
The CHP assassins game begins at 5:05 pm on Saturday October 1st.
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My target tried to hide his face with a false facebook picture and was hard to track. i had my sources however, and found him unsuspecting after his 11am class. I was waiting outside and was on the phone and after he passed me i pulled my spoon out and finished him off.