“Drunken Killing” I went to Steve’s B- Day party Saturday night with little intention of killing. However, I did bring a spoon along for self- defense just in case. Upon arriving at the party, I handed my spoon off to my friend not in the assassins’ game. When I entered, I got the pat- down and was found to be totally clean, while in reality, my spoon was in the pocket of the kid standing next to me! After a lot of jungle juice, beer, and a game of beer pong, my friend wanted to head outside to try and bum a smoke off someone. Outside, I notice Paul and talked to him briefly. He was going down to let in some friends, and I saw this as my golden opportunity. I asked my friend for my spoon, and as Paul came back up, he recieved a spoon in the gut. I was reminded of The Godfather when Michael takes the gun planted in the bathroom then comes out and kills the cheif of police and the mob boss, except my spoon was the gun and my friend was the toilet. Anywho, it was rather bastardly of me to kill him, and I apologized several times throughout the night. I left my coat in Justin’s room btw.

An assassin must have patience, and I showed amazing restraint with my target. I have had her for over a week, but chose not to kill her. I decided to play mind games with her, and have a good time doing it. I would look her in the eye saying “I’ll fucking kill you” or “You’re my target” etc. It was so much fun. Yesterday, Alex, her, and I took a roadtrip to chicago to go to a jimmy eat world show. A 4.5 hour car ride (traffic) to the show, and then we get to the show. Jimmy Eat World takes the stage. They play music. They start into the song Work, and thats when I do it. I take out my spoon and STAB HER IN THE MOTHERFUCKING BACK! She doesn’t notice at first, so I leave it in. She turns around, looks at me increduously, and mouths “No way. No fucking way.” I mouth back “Oh yes.” that went back and forth for a while, and she finally died and told me her target. It was a beautiful thing. Now that this is accomplished, I can die a happy man. Happy Hunting everybody! (PS- I’m pretty sure she’s going to say mean things about me, don’t believe them.)

“Death is a dish best served with noodles.”- – Old Klingon Proverb. I decided to go to dinner at oodles of noodles on a whim after a test review. I look to my right, and who do i see to my right? Nick, Nathan, and their friend Wendy. A rush of adrenaline, heart starts pumping. I reach for my spoon, I get up. I walk towards them with such a purpose. They don’t see me, this is it, don’t screw it up. I let out a fierce battle cry and shove my spoon into nick with all of my might. He falls to the ground, convulsing with waves of pain and cold. He looks me in the eyes, smiling, and winks at me. He died with a smile on his face, that creepy bastard. I’ll never forget that look. But now, the fun is really beginning.