It took forever to track this boy down. No facebook, no pictures. All I had was the bare bones of the uiuc.edu “Find People” site. While struggling to actually locate this guy, I thought to look him up on Yahoo. The first site to come up was from Deerfield High School; apparently this kid had won first place in Computer Science at a regional competition. I found pictures of the team and had to systematically eliminate people in the picture that couldn’t be Greg. I was down to three different people. When I checked the site yesterday, the pictures had changed, but Greg was still in the photos (soomewhere). Luckily, the competitors had worn nametags, so i knew who I was after.

Today, a friend of mine tipped me off about a class that all Freshmen Computer Science majors have to take. Her and I travelled over to the building where it was, and waited for the class to be over. My friend and I feigned studying while the students left the room. She spotted him first and, when outside, she approached and asked, “are you Greg?” Greg stopped in his tracks, and while my friend reached for the non- existant spoon, I approached from behind, my deadly Broad- spoon in hand. Greg back- pedalled in fear, and as soon as his spoon was out, my spoon connected with his chest…

Blood exploded from his torn jacket, spattering the onlookers. Women and children screamed in horror. A crowd gathered around my victim and I, horrified at the gruesome sight. “You’re dead,” I said. Greg was on the ground, his eyes beginning to cloud over and the puddle of blood spreading beneath him. “Who…are you?” he asked. “Tell me your target” He told me. “I am the Ninja Master.” “No wonder I have lost. Ninjas are so… totally…rad ack......” And with those words he died. The crowd dispersed, and only me and my friend were left. “What shall we do now?” she asked. “There’s only one thing to do,” I said as I reached behind me. I pulled out my Guitar, my Axe of Destruction, and wailed. I wailed harder then the hardest wailing possible. I wailed so hard, a tornado appeared and carried my friend and I into the sunset, and taking with us all things that make a Ninja badass.