The Next Generation Fall '05

I killed Shaun.

This was my first kill. I had no idea how to find Robert Allen. His facebook was pretty much blank but with a picture and his list of classes. His picture turned out to be fake and very misleading. I did find out that for one of his listed classes he had a discussion that only met once a week. I staked it out, but I was looking for the wrong guy- I was looking for the man in the picture. I searched his information through the University and all it had listed was his permanent home address and home phone number. No on- campus address or phone. I called his home and spoke to someone (father, maybe?) and pretended to be from the uinversity and I needed to update his info. He quickly realized that this was very unprofessional and refused to give it to me but decided to write down my phone number and have Robert call me himself. He did while I was in class and, unfortunately, heard my voicemail thing which revealed my real first name, not the one I had posed as the day before. I called him back later and after much hesitation he gave me his on campus address. Today, I drove to his apartment and called him saying “Hey, it’s Steve. Come outside.” I then went into his apartment and waited. He slowly came down the stairs, hiding something behind his back. He was onto me. We both drew at the same time but my cafeteria spoon hit his chest first, quickly followed by his long, wooden spoon hitting mine. He slowly realized what had happened and fell to the ground coughing up blood. Oh, and Ninja Master- stop ripping off realultimatepower.net Be original.

This kill was performed an hour after Greg was killed. I entered the dining hall, knowing that Ian would be coming to gain sustenance from the sub- par cafeteria food. I waited and, soon, Ian entered the dining hall. I knew sneaking up would be unfair, so I halted him and challenged him to a duel. “Right here? In the dining hall?” he asked, “I like your style”. So he reached behind him and pulled out his double- scooped spoon, ready to “get it on”. I pulled out my Broad- spoon and edged forward. We circled each other while the dining hall grew deathly quiet. All eyes were on us. He attacked first, his double- scooped spoon whistling in the air. I barely dodged in time, and in the same movement, swung my Broad- spoon upward. He countered easily, but this time, he brought his foot upand kicked me to the ground. The wind was knocked out of me and I rolled away right as he brought his spoon downat the spot where I previously lay. He cackled. “Having trouble, Ninja Master?” he asked sarcastically. “No, Ian, I am only getting started.” I dropped my spoon on the ground. “I see you are not only slow, but stupid as well,” Ian said as he moved forward towards me. I reached behind me and pulled out the Axe of Destruction. “Huh? Think you can stop me with that rediculous instrument?” he said. I smiled. Then I wailed. I wailed harder then I did after I killed Greg. I wailed so hard, all the fried chicken in the dining hall stood up and danced. I wailed so hard, all the salt shakers started porking the baked potatoes. I wailed so hard, all the chicks in the room started dancing and taking their clothes off. I wailed so hard, Ian’s double- scooped spoon disintegrated into thin air. “NOOOOOOO!!!” Ian yelled. I stopped wailing, picked up my spoon, and ran Ian through before he knew what happened. “Oh…cough cough*...shit,” he said as he fell to his knees. Blood began to drip onto the carpet of the dining hall. “Tell me your target,” I said. He uttered the name. “Ian,” I said, “this is the end…” I yanked my spoon out of his chest and blood exploded from his chest, splattering the dining hall walls and all the guys in the dining hall. But it missed all the dancing naked chicks. I wiped my spoon off on the ground, grabbed my guitar, and turned to leave. “Oh, Ninja Master, don’t leave us here!” all the chicks said in perfect unison. All the guys in the hall looked all pissed off, so I took out my guitar and wailed some more and all of their heads exploded. “Come on ladies,” I said, “how ‘bout some Twister up in my room?” They all agreed and followed me out of the dining hall. That’s how I roll.