After being thwarted in my attempts to kill Mr.e on Friday, I was determined to hunt him down. I discovered the time and location of three of his classes, but he did not show up to the first two, at least while I was waiting there. Apparently, he was late, and I had my own classes to go to. However, he did show up to his book arts class, and I waited, patiently by the coat rack, for over an hour, for the class to be over. Luckily I had brought a book to read. Finally, the class was over, and Mr. e came to get his coat. But then he saw me, and ran out the other door! I waited, knowing he would come to get his coat. Then I saw him coming down the stairs from the back entrance, and I shot him.

Mr e was a most worthy opponent, and my most challenging victim yet. But even he has been terminated.

Our paths met at the crossroads of fate; our eyes locked under the tumultuous sky. Above the howling winds I heard my name uttered in icy greeting. Then, in a blur of movement, her weapon was drawn and she was advancing towards me: a ruthless machine of destruction, death incarnate, fueled solely by the drive to kill.

However, Athena had forgotten to account for one thing: my umbrella, which I had equipped to protect myself from the rain and now saw a better use for. She leveled the gun at my chest, and the brief glimpse I caught of my own doom catalyzed a reaction within me. Swiftly, deftly, I positioned my aegis between myself and my assailant. She fired; the shot ricocheted harmlessly off the waterproof surface. She fired another shot, which I also managed to deflect. Again and again she pulled the trigger; again and again, I frantically blocked. We circled each other, mongoose and cobra in a deadly waltz. Abruptly, I came to the realization that I possessed a concealed melee weapon. The fever of battle had pushed this most useful of thoughts completely out of my mind, but now it returned to drive my hand deep into my pocket. My searching fingers touched metal and closed with firm grasp around the handle. I drew my blade and pulled my arm back for the strike. But in that moment a terrible rage suffused Athena, and in one mighty sweep of her arm she tore my shield asunder. It was too late to do anything. I had begun the thrust of my arm, and momentum carried my spoon forward inevitably towards her even as she swung the muzzle of the gun at me and fired. Even as I felt the spoon sink into her shoulder, I felt the agonizing pain of her liquescent bullet biting into my own. The impact knocked me backwards onto the ground where I sat, dazed, clutching my broken umbrella and awaiting the end. But to my astonishment, Athena did nothing. She gazed at me for a moment that seemed like an eternity, then staggered backwards and retreated into the darkness of night. I watched her shadow disappear into the gloom and reflected on our fateful encounter, knowing that some day we would meet again…and not knowing who the victor would be when we did. After a while I pulled myself to my feet and began the long walk home.

Caterina and I happen to sit next to each other in our CHP class, so after class, I just followed her outside to her bike. She saw me coming and tried to run away but I chased her around to the parking lot behind the honors house, where I shot her dead.

This one wasn’t too bad; he had both his schedule and a picture of himself online. From this I gathered a few useful pieces of information, including the fact that we’re both in the same lecture.

Veni, vidi, stabbi.

I waited for Athena, and my defensive kill, but she never came. I am unable to be tracked down, unable to be hunted, I am the best defensive assassin alive. Those of you who think you can stop me will have to wait til next time.

May you burn in hell for your modified stupid rules and destroying my strategy.

Ryan Swearingen is now dead. I killed him at 12:50 outside of the honors house. Kill early, often, and fast is my motto.

I shot Toni this morning at 8:55. Using my resources I discovered that she was a chemistry TA for section AQA which meets at 9 on Wednesday and Friday. So this morning, I joined the chemistry students sitting outside her classroom waiting for her to show up. I knew she would, as she is the TA. When I saw her walking down the hall, I jumped out and shot her, as her students watched in amazement. She was quite surprised that I had managed to track her down, and she said so, in her dying breath.

Today I managed the awesome feat of bringing down the fearsome Manchot. To do so required a group of loyal helpers and, unfortunately, quite a bit of trickery. He saw through my first plan (quite similar to his last one, in fact) of simply having someone else waylay him on the way out of class. However, for this kill we were prepared to be completely unscrupulous, and my friend gained us some time and confusion by pretending to be part of the game and running away. When Manchot decided to chase after him I managed to shoot him down from above, atop a staircase. Only in such a cowardly, conniving way could I have brought down such a killer, and I apologize here for it- fortunately or unfortunately, there are no rules in love, war, and assassination.

I killed Andrzej today. We had made plans to meet for lunch, and he was late. I do not like people who are late, so as soon as he sat down next to me, I stabbed him with a spoon. I then continued eating lunch.

After two weeks of sitting around on my butt unkilling and unkilled, I decided to take matters into my own hands. And by “matters” I mean “a spoon”.

Then, I killed him.

Another day dawns Another assassin dead Goodbye Elaine Wah

You can cross Devi off your list. And Manchot…you’re right…the new gun kicks ass.

I soon discovered that my next target was in the Hypergraphics CHP course. Luckily, I knew that part of Altgeld Hall particularly well, and I felt that I had an advantage.

However, I also learned that he was as paranoid as I am, and carried a water gun in his hand to that class. Thus, I was forced to stage an elaborate plot to make sure that I killed him, before he could kill me. I employed a friend of mine to be a decoy assassin, and he held a spoon in his hand as the dead man walking ambled into the classroom. My friend asked him about his identity, and as I had hoped, the target fell for the bait. He reached for his weapon, so that he may defensively kill his “assassin” before being killed himself.

Unfortunately for him, he never had a chance, as I took the opportunity to spring forth from the nearby door and shoot him twice in the chest. As he lay dying, he attempted to utter, “All beware the terrible servants of Sauron.” But it was too late. He was already dead.

I received the order to kill my new target last night, just as my last one exhaled his last breath. A quick web search revealed that my target was a Campus Visitor Center tour guide. Today, I called the Visitor Center at around 12:30 pm, and asked when my target would be there. When I found that he would be giving tours at 1:00, I felt compelled to do the job as quickly as possible. I entered the Levis building at 1:30 and set out to find him. Fortunately, I recognized him as a participant in the “Student Panel” on the second floor. I waited for it to finish, pretending to be interested in attending the university. Finally, I snuck up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and before he even knew what was going on, he had been stabbed in the chest with a spoon.

My sources indicated that Angela would be entering 100 Greg Hall sometime before 10:00 for psych 210. I arrived at the building at 9:45, and waited until she showed up. When I saw a girl who looked like her picture, I asked “are you Angela?” she said, “yes.” I raised my gun and shot her.

Her dying words were “Oh shit.” I quickly left, so I could get to my class on time.

Having come to the Honors House at 6:30 pm, I was surprised to find that my target was working at the house that night.

Luckily, I had my trusty water gun in my backpack, and a spoon in my pocket. I sat down in the same room and proceeded to do homework there. I then participated in the Trivial Pursuit tournament round that night. When it was completed, under the guise of paranoia, I told my target that I was waiting for everyone to leave, to make sure that I wouldn’t get killed. He told me that he’d close up at 10:30 (about an hour later), so I waited for him to go upstairs, and ran from the building.

Since I had scoped out his path home on Monday, following the HSC meeting, I found a place behind some bushes that he could have never seen. At around 10:45, I was ready to leave my post in desperation, until I saw him coming. I hid, and jumped up when he walked past. He attempted shooting me back, but it was too late: he had already been neutralized.

I was sitting and talking with these two in HoHo from 6:50 to 7:20. I didn’t know that Manchot was targeting Defenestrator even though I have access to the list of missions. Manchot acted very natural the whole time. The CHP Assassins Team gives you props, Manchot. And Defenestrator, we’ll miss you and your fake Russian accent.

I knocked on the door and asked for David, saying I had a chemistry question. He said, precisely, “come in”. I entered the room, and shot him square- on with a water pistol.

I was stalking outside of the honors house where I knew he was taking the History of Travel. Watching from a convenient hiding place I wait for the class to empty out onto the street. I had trouble for a moment identifying him, but followed one of the larger clusters back toward ISR where they were moving to get some food. I quitely walked behind them as they slowly dispersed, parting ways and most importantly, addressing eachother by name. Finally, there were only two. Had I simply missed my chance at a kill? No, it was one of the two. I took a chance, calling out to “Dan”, but called to the wrong one. No matter: He betrayed his friend’s identity as they entered the dining hall and I caught him a few seconds after blasting past the bewildered card- swiping staff member. A spoon to his torso ended his life.

One down, twenty- two to go. Beware fellow assassins: Gaius Octavius will soon be coming for you.

In a kill that ended up being a little less ethical than I would have preferred, I ascertained my target’s whereabouts and waited for him to appear. His class began without him, and I worried that he decided not to attend that day. I almost gave up hope of his arrival when I saw someone walk toward the classroom. I hesitated, unsure of his identity at first, then I called out his name. He reemerged from the classroom just long enough for me to shoot him three times in the chest.

Having missed two frustratingly perfect opportunities to snuff my target, I continued to wait patiently for the moment to strike. After learning that Olga would be in the library, I dashed over to the undergrad. I stealthily slipped between bookshelves and cubicles, hunting my target with silent fervor. At last I spotted her from a distance. I approached her innocently, and because we knew each other I made smalltalk for a minute before finally finishing the job with a satisfying spoon jab in the side. She stared in disbelief, then fell to the ground.

I unwittingly discovered the location of my prey this afternoon and with the help of a small entourage, I stealthily entered the Spurlock Museum. We blended in with all the other many visitors (2), and discussed the great pieces of art in cultered tones while awaiting a respite in the tour Amy was taking. Suddenly, I saw my chance. They were making for a door. Seeing my watergun was uncouth to use in such surroundings, I quickly replaced it with the spoon. The kill was made. I cut her off at the door and so cut off her life.

I scoped out my target for and hour and a half at his dorm. A decoy was sent into his room to determine his whereabouts and it was discovered that he was napping. Around 5:30 my target and his friends left their rooms and headed down the stairwell towards the dining hall. I followed them into the stairwell, identified my target and confirmed his identity and then shot him in the chest.

I found out that my second victim works at the Garner hall front desk, so I headed over there to see if I could find him. Sure enough, he was hard at work at the desk. As he came out of the office wheeling several heavy boxes, I shot him three times in the back.

Remember, kids, RingWraiths are invisible. All beware the terrible servants of Sauron!

I knew she worked as an Allen Hall librarian, so I peeked into the library and saw her wearing a shirt with her last name on it. I walked in and asked about the CD collection so she walked from behind the desk to the CD’s and started explaining. When she was done, I waited for her to turn around and then finished her off with a spoon in her side.

I did it! I did the deed. Photon is officially dead, as of 1:51:03. I waited outside that classroom for 15 minutes, all the time ready for him – this was a planned attack. He left the room, I confirmed who he was, and shot him in the chest, just as he was about to leave the English building. I did it, and I’m glad I did it.

I killed Kenton at 9:20 this morning outside of 236 Lincoln hall. I knew that he had a class in this room, so I waited outside patiently, until I saw him walking down the hall, at which time I shot him three times with my water gun. He held up a spoon to defend himself, but he was too late.